Saturday, January 16, 2010

Playoff predictions - Divisional Weekend

Predictions for the divisional round.

Cardinals @ Saints
I'm pretty tired of all the ridiculous renaming of the city, like Drew Orleans. But there's good reason for it. This game will break several offensive records, but the most impressive of which will be that it will be the only game in NFL history with zero total rushing attempts. The Saints get the ball last and pull out a close 77-70 victory.

Ravens @ Colts
The Ravens execute their game-plan flawlessly. They take the opening kickoff at the 15. They then execute a 39 play, 28:56 minute, 85 yard touchdown scoring drive. Manning drives the Colts for a TD at the end of the half. Manning drives for another TD four minutes into the second half. The Ravens then execute a slightly less perfect 37 play, 24:21 minute, 82 yard TD scoring drive. Shocking everyone, they convert a two point attempt to take a 15-14 lead with less than a minute left. Manning drives the Colts to the 18 with four seconds left. Matt Stover trots onto the field for a chipper. Fortunately for the Ravens, I'm wearing my lucky Ravens under-roos that I've had for the last four years. The Ravens are 41-0-1* in that stretch. As such, Stover shanks it left, saving the Ravens from elimination, and the city of Baltimore from committing mass hari-kari.

Cowboys @ Vikings
Tony Romo, fresh off not dating anyone, is rested and relaxed for a playoff game against his idol when he was 12 years old, Brett Favre. Going into the half down 24-0 with two picks and 13 passing yards, Favre announces his retirement trotting off the field. Trotting back onto the field, he announces his unretirement, throws for 360 yards and 4 TDs and leads an amazing come-back to steal the game.

Jets @ Chargers
Phillip Rivers and Rex Ryan get into a smack-talking match that lasts the entire first half. Announcers question where Vince Jackson is, realizing Revis has magically sprinkled invisible powder on him to take him out of the game. Shonn Green looks great, but the game is swung on Sanchez throwing the ball to Braylon Edwards, where the ball bounces off his hands, into a Chargers DB's hands who returns it for a TD, sealing a 10 point win. Rex instantly warns the White House to prepare for his visit in 2011.

* The one tie may or may not encompass 28 losses in that stretch.


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