Saturday, January 9, 2010

Playoff predictions - Wildcard Weekend

My predictions for how the playoffs will go this week.

Jets @ Bengals - Ochocinco held without a catch through first three quarters with Jets maintaining a 14 point lead. He goes into the stands, finds a cute woman, has sex with her, comes back to the field and catches 8 passes for 180 yards and 3 TDs to lead a fourth quarter comeback win.

Eagles @ Cowboys - McNabb leads the Eagles down the field in the final minute, down 4, pukes all over his shoes, throws a game winning TD pass to DeSean Jackson. Terrell Owens cries. Jerry Jones' head explodes, and his headless body manages to fire Wade Phillips prior to falling to the turf. Clean-up crews scraping brains off the HD monitor for weeks.

Ravens @ Patriots - Tight game with Ray Rice rushing for 150 yards and Randy Moss catching 15 passes. Up 2 points with two minutes left, Brady drops back to pass on 4th and 1, Ray Lewis breaks through the line, knifes him, takes the ball from his corpse and runs it in for the game winning TD. Ravens fans rejoice at the only penalty on the Ravens all season for which the refs swallow their whistles.

Packers @ Cardinals - Team A's uber-quarterback throws for 583 yards and 6 TDs. Team B's uber-quarterback suffers one of his rare melt-downs and throws for only 84 yards and 4 INTs. A's terrific pair of receivers have career days, B's look dejected after being held without a catch. A's defense is lauded as having a terrific game, stepping up to stop B's typically dominant offense, and is immediately deemed to be a huge playoff threat. Feel free to substitute either team in as A or B, as who knows which team will actually be this way.


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